Film & TV, New York Report, Re-Caps

Gossip Girl Final Season Recap — Ep. 5

Posted on November 13, 2012 by | Leave a comment

You know you want it.

We have a theory the CW is forcing the writers to tank a couple of these final episodes so we recover from our depression in time to start watching the Carrie Diaries come January. We forgive the writing and make a major call-out to the director of this episode —  the most prolific artist in Hollywood: Amy Heckerling (Clueless, European Vacation, Fast Times at Ridgemont High).

The beginning signs are starting to show that Serena might wind up with Dan by the season’s end just 5 episodes from now. Blair changes the image of Eleanor’s brand who promptly returns to handle the “decorum debaucle” which was honestly nothing compared to last week. Serena almost gets a diamond, Blair is almost happy for her. Ivy is faced with some quick thinking challenges from Bart and wins. S & D’s sex tape is revealed. Serena may be taking over Blair’s season 1 bulimia problem. No one says coming out anymore; IT’S COTILLION.

Here are our notes from the episode:

Quotes:

  • Dan to Blair: There’s traditional and then there’s missionary; which does not work for the dress, or for you as I recall.
  • Serena: It’s never too late for cotillion. (it’s not?)
  • Georgina on S & D’s sex tape: I bet she still uses it to get off — I know I do.
  • Blair to Chuck: Go find her and imprison Cronus. (This is the exact kind of Zeus reference that reminds us what a terrible idea these two are together)
  • Bart: I knew some people who knew some people. (That’s how you also say my friend’s dealer)
  • Dorota: Mr. Chuck defeats bad dad.

Notable moments & Questions:

  • Sage doesn’t like her new mom’s pancakes.
  • Why does everyone wake up so early? No one works. But everyone is always having breakfast and noon deadlines.
Summary of Sage’s credentials: Sage steals her dad’s cell phone to dis-invites Serena to her Cotillion,  somehow forces her dad to run and get her own ring re-sized at Harry Winston, get her minions to photograph him seemingly returning Blair’s ring, dupes Gossip Girl into running an incorrect item to upset Serena, then steals Georgina’s phone to get the S & D sex tape, drugs the AV guys at the society ball, times the sex tape perfectly to run instead of her childhood photos on the jumbotron as she makes her debut into society on the arm of much older Nate Archibald. All while wearing a news-making dress.

Possible Spin-Off Reveal?: Sage skips college to go to work for Georgina as a professional evil fixer, bringing along her minions and the time-to-time assistance from Chuck and Blair who, now married and living on the Upper East Side after Chuck’s dad fakes his death a second time and Eleanor goes back to work, make the occasional guest cameos.

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