“Did Blair put you up to this, son?”
Last week (well, two weeks ago due to #Sandy) we were complaining about Chuck’s Zero Dark Thirty buzz cut. However this week on Gossip Girl, we got to the bottom of it. I learned it from watching you, dad. I learned it from watching you.
However, hands down the best part of this episode was the fact that Lily and Serena both made a list of everyone they’ve ever slept with. Let’s see, there was my coke dealer, Ben from prison, my current boyfriend …
Wait, Serena darling. I have something to tell you … it was late one night in a castle, there were pain killers and whiskey, and well, I f-ed your boyfriend. I’m sorry darling. I’m so sorry.
Wait a minute. Lilyyyyy … Is this why your always so cold to Steve at Conservancy events? Tsk, tsk. What poor manners. What WOULD Cece say … ?
Is Lily sounding more and more like Padme from Star Wars every ep?
Kudos to GG staff writers for following Zara Phillips recent Gangham style video illustrious equestrian career.
Zara (right)
Dan to Serena: I was going to be nice to you for old time’s sake but then I thought about all those times you were hotter and richer than me and thought again.
Serena, here are a few tips: Do not give the devil your handbag. Hello. Do delete home sex tapes immediately after making them. Do not delete sex tapes you may need soon for revenge.
So to recap: Princess Jasmine is the pretend niece of Bart Bass who was getting illegal Sundanese oil from her dad, and Bart faked his own death to avoid trouble with TMZ.
We totally saw that coming.
We always forget about Lily’s fake love child. So glad they brought that up. Scott Rosson from Season 3, recall? Lily gave him up for adoption and never told Ruf?
How much is this shit going to cost?
We’ve already discussed how the GG writing team has been tip-toeing around the issue of Nate’s inexplicably still-standing business that makes no money, but this episode they got into the specifics which means it’s only a matter of time before Nate’s going to jail like his father before him.
The bank is ending his line of credit, which was extending to him when? We don’t recall … The Spectator was originally bankrolled in secret by Grandfather and then that was it. Next week we predict Nate will go on the Bart Relief Program or cook his own books — “especially if Nate inherited his father’s gift with numbers — he was always so inventive”.
You should have stayed in the Hamptons with the Duchess, Nate. Remember the Duchess, the step-mother of Blair’s boyfriend Lord Marcus Beaton from Season 2? Nate is just not cut out for a yob.
Tip: When in doubt, change your name to Lady to sound more chic.
Discuss: Blair + Dan. Since Blair is failing at her business, she and Chuck can never be (that’s the logic right?) therefore Blair may as well go back to evil Dan. Question: Is Dan growing out his side mullet again? Bart darling, do lend him the clippers.
Major fail B (right). You are not on safari. For proper horse show attire, consult Jasmine (left).
FACT CHECKING …
Cameos:
- Real life New York artist Brian Batt
- IN QUESTION: Dan’s socialite harem (were getting names: So far, Alyssa, Natasha (She’s a Coppola), etc. — and “they all come from great neighborhoods”)
- IN QUESTION: Jessica from Stone Orchard Stables
- Dwight Garner — he is a book critic for the New York Times (Georgina mentioned that he tweeted about Dan’s book)
- Kat Denning (2 Broke Girls) leaked boob video
- Priness Anne and daughter Zara – Zara is 14th in line to the throne, is on the UK equestrian team and went to the Olympics this year.
- In Cold Blood – Truman Capote’s real book about a real murder
- Exact replica Julia Roberts Pretty Woman brown dress with white polka dots at the horse show
- The Campbell Apartment where S made the sex tape with Dan exists in NY
- Verbier — ski resort in France, Lily mentions it
- Thoroughbred Registries do exist
- Stone Orchard Stables – no such thing
- Bancroft wedding in an Irish castle — no such thing
- Klaus Müller – Lily’s ex is not a real person
- Serena: “Sage, meet my mom!” Sage: “Grandma … ?!” ahahaha
- “Well, that is a move straight out of Bart’s Playbook …” – Blair
- “Well, no the eggs aren’t done right but I can’t keep expecting miracles” – Lily
- “Do not go soft on me Humphrey” – Georgina
- “I’m pimping out celebutantes for Dan to have sex with” – Georgina
- “I need to find Sheikh Azan” — this sounded funny right?
- Chuck: “Is a million dollars a lot of money?” Blair: ”Not for regular people?” Just answer the damn question Blair; you know what he meant.
- “The Bart Bass Home for Agéd Equines”
- “Blair and Chuck can’t seem to buy a clue” — Is this a riddle within a riddle?
- “My father’s idea of bonding was diversify bonds, get it?” – Chuck
- Eric goes to Sarah Lawrence
- “Looks like we are back in the saddle” – Chuck
Does Bart not remind you of Chuck creeping up on his bitches in his limo with the windows rolled low. Golf clap, Bart. Golf clap.
You know u love me …. xoxo
